For the love of the game

I'm currently in semi-hibernation mode when it comes to my poker playing. Not stopping completely, but basically just playing whenever I feel like it and not forcing myself to play every night just to earn extra money.

I've come to realize during my self imposed break that poker playing has become some sort of required activity that I do as part of my "breadwinner" role in the family. So I play even when I'm tired. I play during my rest days. I play on Sundays and holidays. I even force myself to wake up in the wee hours of the morning just to play. I realized during the short break just how "forced" my poker playing has become.

So instead of being the fun activity that it originally was, it's now become some kind of chore. Of course, the money is there for the taking and some would say that its a wasted opportunity if I reduce my playing frequency. But I think its worth it in the long run in terms of improving my total well being and allowing me to spend more time with my family.

Its true that the money's quite good, but I don't really need it to provide for my family. It was just a supplement. Yes, it paid for the last HK trip. Yes, it paid for some fun stuff like the Xbox360 and a netbook. But I could easily have paid for these things from my regular income.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy playing poker anymore. I firmly believe that I will be a poker playah the rest of my life. But I think I will enjoy it more if I approach it the way I did before. No expectations of regular monthly winnings. No forcing oneself to play because of the possibility of a big win or because I got a free ticket. But just playing for the sake of enjoyment and for the love of the game.

You could say that its hypocritical to disassociate poker with the money. Because in poker, more than any other game, money is the ultimate litmus test of one's skill. I'm sure that none of us enjoys playing with play money except probably for the weirdos in facebook. By the way, what's with that gig ? Lately I find myself talking to people who when I say I play poker, they would immediately say they also play and brag about the thousands of dollars that they've accumulated in Facebook.

I'm like, ok, so what can you do with your facebook dollars ? Can you exchange it for things or some sort of benefit ? And they'd look at me funny as if I was the one going bonkers and say that its like some sort of prestige thing to have mucho money in facebook poker. Uhm, yeaah, riiiight, I get you. =)

Going back to my topic. I'm just saying that poker is more fun when there's no pressure to earn big money. I used to treat it like a hobby which gives me free money whenever I win. But I think I kind of lost my way and lately was treating it as some sort of money making venture which made losing and variance harder to accept. And this was the reason why I was tilting easily.

So now I need to go back to the previous mindset. No expectations. No pressure. Just playing the game and beating the hell out of the fishes.