Official Guide to Donkey Poker (Part 2)

In part 2 of our offical guide to Donkey Poker, we now discuss how you can tell for sure if you are an online donkey player or not. I have devised a very short quiz that will describe some attributes of the online donkey player, give yourself one (1) point everytime you have done anything similar to the things below, you can then check your results afterwards. Please be honest. This quiz is based on psychological mumbo jumbo and is 99.9% accurate.

1. You call pokerstars – jokerstars in chat everytime your pair gets beat by a bigger pair, a flush, a set even quads. Basically any hand that comes from behind to beat your hand sends you on a rant that online poker is rigged.

2. You type “Thanks for the chips, moron” when you go all in with your Ace Three, get called by Ace Queen. And the 3 miraculously appears on the river.

3. You block your sharkscope stats and don’t allow other people to see it.

4. You put anonymous negative comments on blogs where the writer is bragging about a big score.

5. You slowplay AAs. And you can’t believe it and blow your top when the guy in the Big Blind flops 2 pair with his 46 offsuit and serves you a Big Blind special.

6. You spend your savings on a killer computer set-up with the expectation that you will get the money back when you win at online poker even though you currently have a negative ROI.

7. You have lost more than a thousand dollars playing micro stakes and you feel that you are just experiencing variance. And that anytime soon, lady luck will smile on you.

8. You tell people that you are a poker pro. Even though you are playing poker for a living because you are a bum and have not held a proper job since college.

9. Somebody goes all in for his last remaining 170 chips. You are in the BB where the blinds are 75-150. It is folded to you and you auto click fold because you got dealt 8-3.

10. Your nickname in the poker sites are similar to the names of actual poker pros with slight mis-spellings. Example : PhillyHellmuth, Iveythe2nd, DanielNegrenew

Analysis of Results

3 or more points – Congratulations ! You are a true blue authentic donkey player. You deserve to sit with me in a poker table anytime, anyplace. You will be welcomed in many tournaments and players will clamour and fight to play a hand with you.

1 to 2 points – Semi Donkey. You have potential but something seems to be holding you back. You need to throw away your copy of Harrington and Super System and need to read Part 1 of the Official Guide to Donkey poker some more. Practice what is taught religiously. Also, change your nickname to AnniePuke or JamieFold.

0 points – Pathetic! You are a disgrace to the DONKEYASS (Donkey players Association). There is still a slight chance of improvement but you need to immediately change your playing style. Remember the DONKEYASS motto : Never fold a draw, always show a bluff and call everyone a MORON.

Disclaimer : Everything I write is done in good fun. If I inadvertently insult anyone, it is not deliberate. I myself have been guilty of some of these things in the past. So pare-pareho lang tayo. Heheh