In my ever continuing and lifelong quest to assist the donkey poker player in their mission to spew money in my direction , I present to you my gift. This is the donkey player’s guide to NL Holdem poker.
I will try to outline some situations that you will often encounter in your quest for poker greatness. These are hard borderline situations and it takes donkey poker players years and years of playing to develop the instinct to know how to deal with these situations. Well it’s your lucky day today as you have chanced upon this great blog. Now I unveil to you the secrets behind their thinking. The reason for their mojo. Its like skipping 2 years ahead in your poker education. If you follow these basic rules, I guarantee you that you’re on your way to getting the much coveted fish icon in Sharkscope.
1. Gut Shot Straight Draw after the flop. What do you do ?
Gut Shot Straight draws are your friend. Try to play this as often as possible. Just imagine, you have 4 outs out of the 40+ cards left in the deck. That’s almost like 10% man. The interest in your savings account only give you 3% at most. So lamang ka. Play this until the river. If you don’t hit anything, bluff big at the river as that’s the only way for you to win the hand.
2. KKs on an Ace High Board. You bet, your opponent raises you all in. What do you do ?
You only get KKs once out of every 221 hands. Imagine that. That’s like 0.4% man. Once in a blue moon kind of thing. Syempre if you get it, you have to make the most out of the opportunity especially since you’ve been getting nothing but junk hands for the past few turns. Fuck the Ace. Your opponent is most probably bluffing with his reraise all in. Payag ka ba nun ? It’s like he’s saying his dick is bigger than yours. Call. Make him learn his lesson.
3. Villain called your preflop raise, called your bet on the flop and raised your bet on the turn. You have middle pair. What do you do ?
Obviously the villain is bluffing. You can’t be cautious now, you already bet the flop and turn. You’ll look like a weakling if you check the river. And you can forget about folding, that’s like for sissies. The best move is to push all in on the river. This way villain is caught red handed with his bluff. Just imagine the feeling of contentment you'll get after you catch him with his weak-ass bluff.
4. You have suited connectors in SB. 4 limpers before you.
FOLD. Suited connectors are one of the most overrated hands in poker. Your opponents probably limped in with high cards, what are the chances of you winning a hand with a measly 78. It doesn’t matter if its suited. It certainly doesn’t matter that you have the correct odds to call. 78 has burned Phil Gordon more times than you can remember. Also, remember in 1978, when your grade school GF dumped you because you were just being honest and told her she was a blimp. Or that time when you went all in with 78 in a 3 suited board of 10, 9 , 8 ,7 and still lost. Certainly a bad luck hand. Obvious FOLD.
5. You have pocket JJs in BB. Villain A in early position raised. Villain B in middle position reraised. The guy in SB goes over the top of everyone and goes All in.
CALL. Villain A probably has A5, Villain B since he reraised probably has A 8 suited while guy in SB probably has AK. Three Aces already. What are the chances of the last remaining Ace coming up. Fucking Right babee. You’re way ahead with your Jacks. CALLLL
To be continued ??
I will try to outline some situations that you will often encounter in your quest for poker greatness. These are hard borderline situations and it takes donkey poker players years and years of playing to develop the instinct to know how to deal with these situations. Well it’s your lucky day today as you have chanced upon this great blog. Now I unveil to you the secrets behind their thinking. The reason for their mojo. Its like skipping 2 years ahead in your poker education. If you follow these basic rules, I guarantee you that you’re on your way to getting the much coveted fish icon in Sharkscope.
1. Gut Shot Straight Draw after the flop. What do you do ?
Gut Shot Straight draws are your friend. Try to play this as often as possible. Just imagine, you have 4 outs out of the 40+ cards left in the deck. That’s almost like 10% man. The interest in your savings account only give you 3% at most. So lamang ka. Play this until the river. If you don’t hit anything, bluff big at the river as that’s the only way for you to win the hand.
2. KKs on an Ace High Board. You bet, your opponent raises you all in. What do you do ?
You only get KKs once out of every 221 hands. Imagine that. That’s like 0.4% man. Once in a blue moon kind of thing. Syempre if you get it, you have to make the most out of the opportunity especially since you’ve been getting nothing but junk hands for the past few turns. Fuck the Ace. Your opponent is most probably bluffing with his reraise all in. Payag ka ba nun ? It’s like he’s saying his dick is bigger than yours. Call. Make him learn his lesson.
3. Villain called your preflop raise, called your bet on the flop and raised your bet on the turn. You have middle pair. What do you do ?
Obviously the villain is bluffing. You can’t be cautious now, you already bet the flop and turn. You’ll look like a weakling if you check the river. And you can forget about folding, that’s like for sissies. The best move is to push all in on the river. This way villain is caught red handed with his bluff. Just imagine the feeling of contentment you'll get after you catch him with his weak-ass bluff.
4. You have suited connectors in SB. 4 limpers before you.
FOLD. Suited connectors are one of the most overrated hands in poker. Your opponents probably limped in with high cards, what are the chances of you winning a hand with a measly 78. It doesn’t matter if its suited. It certainly doesn’t matter that you have the correct odds to call. 78 has burned Phil Gordon more times than you can remember. Also, remember in 1978, when your grade school GF dumped you because you were just being honest and told her she was a blimp. Or that time when you went all in with 78 in a 3 suited board of 10, 9 , 8 ,7 and still lost. Certainly a bad luck hand. Obvious FOLD.
5. You have pocket JJs in BB. Villain A in early position raised. Villain B in middle position reraised. The guy in SB goes over the top of everyone and goes All in.
CALL. Villain A probably has A5, Villain B since he reraised probably has A 8 suited while guy in SB probably has AK. Three Aces already. What are the chances of the last remaining Ace coming up. Fucking Right babee. You’re way ahead with your Jacks. CALLLL
To be continued ??
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