False Guarantees

Example No. 1
Car Battery company offers you 15 months full replacement warranty on their maintenance free whatchamacallit batteries. You happily buy one. Battery will almost all the time fail on the 16th or 17th month.

Obvious ba .... batteries are finite things... they will eventually lose the electrical charge and the plates will wear out. The battery companies have this computed exactly so their warranties will end right before this happens.

So those long warranties are actually marketing gimmicks. Very seldom do you encounter factory defective batteries since they're just plates enclosed in a box.

Example No. 2
Product on the internet ..... guaranteed to remove wrinkles, make your boobs grow bigger, make your dong longer .............100% satisfaction or your money back .

Gullible customer whips out credit card and swipes away .......... product comes to you via mail ... nicely packaged in a bottle with some murky green liquid inside .......... ooooh

Applies it religiously every day ........ waits the requisite 2 weeks stated on the box ............. looks at it ......... and doesn't see any difference .... except for a green fuzz that is growing on the shaft ..........

Livid with anger ... calls up the 1800 hotline which is now non existent ...... CHAching

Example No. 3
Announced Poker Tournament .... 500K Guaranteed ...........Buy in is only 5K........... WOW ..

Smaller print says that tourney will only start if 100 players are present ..........

Are you smarter than a 5th Grader ?
Math Question .... What is 5K multiplied by 100 ?
English Question .... What is the definition of GUARANTEE ?
Ethics Question ...... Are you even for real ?